Obsession
by only-getting-darker
Summary: First/last fic in this fandom, Dib's musings about the events leading up to and resulting from an intimate encounter with Zim. Zadr.


AN: Yeah. it's been a long time, and this isn't even a fandom I've ever written for before. It's been years. I'm in college now, and this is pretty much a one-time thing. I just saw a couple of pieces of fanart and this idea popped in my head and it's been a while since I have written anything besides essays, so I thought I'd pursue it. I'm not really sure if this is the type of story that's popular around here, since I haven't checked out much of the fanfiction related hereto. Again, it's just a spur of the moment thing, but I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Invader Zim and none of this is for profit at all.

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Obsession

Obsession is the one profoundly important thing that links love and hate, and that wasn't the only thing that caused Dib's emotions to get all mixed up. He'd been a science enthusiast since before he could remember, but it was more than that. He wasn't just an enthusiast; he was an addict. And of course, as everyone knew, it wasn't just science in which he was interested; it was _aliens_. The idea that there could be something else. Something more. Something completely beyond the scope of human imagination—it absolutely _floored_ him. So at last when his maniacal claims were proved true, if only to himself, it's no surprise that there was so much adrenalin flowing through his veins that he could hardly decipher _what _he felt. But surely, at that very first moment, at the pinnacle of his discovery, it was _elation_ that he had felt. Pure, unadulterated elation for the realization of all that he had claimed. And that was the problem wasn't it? Even if Zim was out to take over the world, wasn't he the embodiment of all that Dib had ever hoped for? Wasn't Zim what he had dreamed of for countless nights? But no. He _hated _Zim. Zim was out to destroy everything he'd ever known. Every school he had ever been to, every house he had ever lived in and every person he had ever known would be dead if Zim had his way. The school where Dib had been mercilessly teased all through adolescence, every room his family had shunned and ignored him in, every person who had never believed him and _still _didn't believe him!

So why? Why did it anger him that Zim wanted to destroy it all. Did it anger him? Maybe he was incorrectly interpreting this strong emotion as anger. Maybe it was obsession. Maybe it was jealousy. It drove him to follow Zim incessantly. Or was it curiosity that made him do that? Intrigue? Sure, he'd had plenty of opportunities to study Zim's psychological character, what with his rants and third-person manner of speaking, and he'd also had chances to learn about Zim's home planet through brief mentions and telling misunderstandings. But Dib hadn't gotten a chance to understand the most fascinating part about an extra-terrestrial being. Anatomy. How did Zim's body function? How did his race reproduce? How did they digest and grow and think and move? The idea of getting to _see_, getting to _learn_, well, quite frankly, it turned Dib on. And that was scary. He wasn't really attracted to the alien, but he was unimaginably _hot_ for science, and this was the biggest scientific opportunity ever.

These ever increasing sexual reactions to scientific thought regarding Zim had kept Dib up at night, unwilling to resolve the problem himself because: ew. That would have mean he was masturbating to Zim, and that was not okay. Did this make him gay? Well that depended, didn't it? Was Zim a male? How could he know? That was precisely the sort of thing he was all flustered about figuring out. It was hilarious, wasn't it? He'd been teased all through his life. He was the epitome of an outcast. He was a nerd, he wore glasses, he liked science, he had conspiracy theories. Everyone would just assume he was gay, wouldn't they? But he had to go above and beyond. Liking boys wasn't unconventional enough for him, he had to be turned on by a being whose gender was yet to be discerned, if he even HAD a gender.

All of this was really what lead to it. Of course there were other contributing factors; The fact that it had been raining outside, the feeling of privacy granted by an empty hallway, Zim's own reluctant attraction to the unknown.

That kiss at 4:14 PM in the math hallway of the school building was where everything ceased to be as it had been. Zim was inside waiting for the rain to let up, and Dib had stayed late to make up a test. They hadn't even said anything, and that was the weirdest part. How do two supposed enemies silently make the decision to kiss without saying a word? There hadn't been speech, but Dib supposed there had been communication. After all, they had stood toe to toe for possibly twenty minutes of solid eye contact before their lips had crashed into each other's, and that had been almost agony. But fuck, when it had finally happened, well, it was almost disgusting wasn't it? Zim's textured, snake-like tongue, too long for human kissing. His mouth wasn't really _wet_ either, but it definitely wasn't dry, and the whole experience was ungodly cold and painful. Zim's teeth had Dib pulling away with a bloody lip. To be fair, though, water was poison to Zim and the kiss surely hadn't been pleasant for him either. But it was exactly that strange, unnatural element of the interaction that left them both aching for more.

Dib didn't understand how anyone could possibly _avoid _attraction to such a profound and unbelievably unique possibility such as that of exploring the anatomy of an alien. Actually, when he thought about it, maybe everyone would be attracted like he was if they finally listened to him and found out that Zim was an alien. And suddenly Dib wasn't nearly as concerned with proving that Zim was an alien, and was much more concerned with reaping the benefits of being the only one who really knew.


End file.
